September 15, 2005

Naïve compulsions and micro organisms at three – knock me dead!

What a crazy week. Just shoot me now. Please! Take me out back and put me out of my misery. Yes, yes, a .45 will be fine. Thank you.

I’m being sought after wanting to get a piece of my flesh and in due course might just plonk me floating dead along Pasig river - wrapped in plastic.

Avoiding contacts from people ( which I find quite stupid), who wants to get ripped anyway? As much as possible, I’d not want to identify anyone for this. Knock me off, I am above suspicion! It takes a lot of sacrifice to do this – avoiding someone , sigh.

Good lord

Bang my head against the wall for a while.

Current music: silence. Yes. I so deserve it. Nine and a half hours yesterday, nine and a half today. 19 hours this weekend. Shoot me. Please.


You who wants to kaploon me - I really don't think ill of you.

You're a complex kid, but you need to know that representing yourself to
yourself is fraught with paradox. Saying what you don't mean means something;
saying what you mean means something. I won't pretend to have the ability to
sort that out for you.

Perhaps you world is too small for you, too parochial (no pun intended).
When you go to a larger, other place you'll see you have loyal compatriots.

The problem lies in the intellectualization (a word??) of things: knowing
what you mean and don't mean and saying that you know what you mean and don't mean. There is the third part, too, where you subconsciously know what you mean and say otherwise thinking that you actually said what you meant.
Utterly mind-boggling.

I don't get it. But I get what you say: that perception is just that: how one
perceives something; you can't change other people's perceptions if you want
to change how they perceive them. (I think...) That's taking everything at
the sociological level instead of the psychological level if you do. You
said: "you're a complex kid"...the thing is, human beings are by nature
complex, yet not all of them (not even many or a few of them) understand
their own complexity-which I think happens to a select few when they (or
shortly before they) die. By that philosophy, there's one caveat: death and
complete enlightenment go hand in hand. An awful catch, really. But it's
not like I believe in that as far as a p
ractice, merely an idea.


Despite all the compulsion, I still rewarded myself with a nice Carbon bag – amazing! And some stuff I got from Jo ( Joyce Orena ) at Greenbelt one lazy morning. Hugs myself!

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