June 03, 2007

The mellow sound of birds chirping.

I believe that being subversive doesn't necessarily mean being against everything. What is interesting is finding a fresh way of thinking within the system.

On being alone

Doing things on your own is good. Independence, confidence and self esteem are all benefits of doing things by yourself. It can even be bad for your mental health if you don't. If we are frightened of loneliness that we can't be by ourselves, then we are not very well developed. The capacity to be alone and the ability to spend time with oneself is part of the human experience.

You don't, of course, have to be single to be on your own. We may be lonely sometimes, but we may also unnecessarily define ourselves negatively as lonely because we take on board other peoples' perceptions of us as " poor thing". I rediscover what I like about myself when I am alone. Like when I am in a restaurant, my mind can freewheel without focusing on day-to-day responsibilities. It gives me the chance to reflect on my life in a positive way. I always take a journal with me to the table and jot things down about where I want to be in two years' time. I don't have time to do that at work as I'm too busy drowning myself in front of the computer.

It's nice to share things by yourself far out weight the disadvantages.

( May 2005 - reminiscing )

I had stupidly become immerse to fear. Having spent two months internship at ABS - CBN to pass my communications class ( Television scriptwriting and journalism ) and graduate. For the first time, I yearned for the mundane. For years, my life had been anything but. There was a time when I had to sleep at work for three days with a pre-packed bag beside the newsroom couch at MGB ( Magandang Gabi Bayan) video tapes, a recorder, a handy steno and a flashlight.

Standing right in front a dead kid after being stabbed 24 times by his dad at Philtranco bus station, bullets, witnessing some of the most brutal human rights violations on earth and post-traumatic stress disorder.

It's great to get out alive to tell the story, worse was the emotional toll. My own energy was being drained by everything I witnessed.

11:43 pm
I have problems sleeping just about every night. I just finished reading five magazines I purchased early today, looking at myself in the mirror at the moment, I hate my racoon-like eye bags.

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