DESTRUCTED BRAIN CELLS AND MY ACTIVE MIND

Mood: Destracted, annoyed, sad but trying my best to smile

All my life, I've honed a talent for being able to push through situations even while surrounded by multiple and varied distractions. I don't get easily thrown off course when I'm goal-forward, and I try to apply that skill to every day at work, and while doing projects at home, etc. However, I find that I am incredibly distracted by my playful imagination.

It's unbelievably bizarre, on the one hand, to think that I should push through my work day, undeterred, unaffected by the constant little reminders of this nearly supernatural thing that is happening inside of me. And, yet, I also know how unprofessional it is to let my thoughts wander off with each kick, or to constantly point out to co-workers the sensations I'm feeling. They don't really care---they smile gently, but are really pretty uninterested in the whole thing, as is natural since they're not the ones feeling what I'm feeling. So, throughout the day, I have to train myself to contain my joy, contain my wonder and continue through a professional work-day. It's so much more difficult to keep my happiness to myself when I’m out with friends, but I strive to do it there, too, to keep from becoming "The Annoying Self-Centered male b*tch who can't stop talking about his panic attacks." I was out with my friend just last week, and my mind was practically earning my minds blackbelt, and it took every bit of willpower within me to keep from slapping my hands on the table and shouting, "stop!

Instead, I vent all my glee to myself, scribbled every minute of the day with each kick I feel, and each new annoying revelation. him.

I struggle to pretend that all of this is really nothing, just commonplace, so totally ordinary, so not-worth-mentioning. But, my mind is sending such welcome, strong messages to me---constant reminders of such existence, annoying agendas, all of which are constant points of relief for my worried mind. With each persistent kick I hear, "All is well. All is well."

Spring Summer 2008 at dotdotdot

L-R: Pink blue spectacles by Sophia Kokosalaki for Linda Farrow, pleated black dress with bow detail by Eley Kishimoto, burgundy t-bar pumps by Karine Arabian. Collarless black jacket with yellow toggles by Gaspard Yurkievich, gray t-shirt by Whyred, black raw denims by b, black nylon canvas sneakers by Swear. Bold stripe dress by Eley Kishimoto, military green pumps by Opening Ceremony. Navy double-breasted shirt jacket by b, heather gray t-shirt with pockets by Gaspard Yurkievich, tan denims by Whyred, white leather sneakers with silver piping by Swear.

(dotdotdot) G/F Greenbelt 5 Ayala Center, Makati City Telephone +63 2 756.0726 Mobile +63 920.916.8906

FUCKED UP TUESDAY

Mood: pissed at 10 am

Fuck that! All you do is complain and make your balls grow bigger….. you expect me to work like shit and see you just sit and do your wiki! Fuck that man, fuck! I cant stand working with you no more…I wasn’t born to be your slave! Fuck that! Fuck! I aint your blue collared type!

Status check

PLAY SPECTRUM ( April 26 – May 31, 2008)

Fesca na aplaya

Oil on Canvass
by: Raul Ramon Lopez-Vito Bucoy II
I’ll spread out all my treasures, of fabric, cutouts, magazines, old books and photographs and see what pops out. Things call to be together and a story begin to emerge. As an artist, I combine the objects to suggest a storyline, make an outline but it is the viewer who makes the process complete. You come to the piece and complete the story, flesh out the meaning. There is a part of the collective unconscious at play here that makes these pieces sing. They are more than beautiful works of art. They are a secret whispered, a snippet of song long forgotten, an old joke that still makes you laugh, a line from a poem deeply loved.

Meaningful personal changes are often unrecognized in the moment in which they occur and aren’t recognized as such until much later. The image began as a collage from my sketches and photographs made for my own personal satisfaction and were done over a considerable time span. It is only by looking back at them recently that the change moments (transformational) became recognizable to me. What I see now is that my moleskine sketches and doodles are markers of change moments spiritual in nature.

Some of the images are given what is for me a new meaning by the way my sketches, photographs and collages are interpreted. What I saw in the camera’s viewfinder felt right intuitively. That was reason enough for me to make the photograph. Traditional, straight forward art don’t convey the sense of their meaning. The images have been reinterpreted to better represent what I feel happened in those moments.

There will be a few more paintings from this series coming in the next couple of months.
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It took me a month to work on this painting my friend Rafa commisioned me to do. Thanks!