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There are parties that go on all night, every night, all night. If that’s the way you want to live, you never need to see the sun. Or you can be asleep at 10 every night and be up at 6, and never see the night life.

And each one is cool and everyone just does their own thing here. Manila has a way of becoming a real home. It can be the most messed-up place in the world but trust me, it can also be the most amazing.

MY HAIR AND A SIMPLE THANK YOU

(Photo credit : Anson Yu)

For ten years, I haven't cared what my hair looks like. I usually wear a cap to cover it, towel it dry with no gum nor wax and it's just sort of, there. I didn't care about it until five years ago when suddenly, I cared. I cared very much and I wanted it cut and styled. I have nothing else to add. I am smiling right now, blessed. With work and life and what to do next, thank you.

SODA, HONEY AND SOME ISSUES

In the spirit of being as healthy as I can be with this whole “ I’ve got to lose weight because I am OBESE ( I MAY BE FAT BUT IM GOODLOOKING! ) thing, I've made a few dietary changes that I'm hoping to stick with. Here's a quick run-down of the main ones:

The Big Switch to Decaf: My daily mocha lattes for breakfast and after work have been an immense source of pleasure, they're such a nice jolt to my day. The nice thing, though, about getting decaf is that they're decaffeinated using the natural "Swiss water process" as opposed to chemical decaffeination, the way cheaper coffee companies do it. I really-really-really miss the nice latte wake-up. I've been trying to pretend that nothing's changed, but I catch myself regularly yawning around 10am and after lunch, and this never happened when I had my caffeine hit in the morning. And, though I'm enjoying the lattes, the missing payoff has me wondering whether they're still worth it. Without the caffeine, aren't they just additional calories that I really don't need?

The Big Switch to Natural Sweetener: For years, since my college days, I've been a fan of Equal. I'm a double-packet-in-my-coffee kind of guy, and sometimes use it on unsweetened cereals. I've never cooked with it, but otherwise, it (or its generic counterpart) has had a daily presence in my life. When I started investigating more natural/organic approaches to food, I briefly questioned Equal, but shied away from thinking too much about it. I figured I had made enough changes for awhile, and could circle back to analyze Equal again some other time. I tossed all the Equal in my cabinet into the trash. It was instinctual---suddenly that yummy sweet chemical felt as evil as the pro-natural publications claimed it was. Instead, I have made the switch to an all-natural sweetener called honey and is naturally non-caloric. It has no chemical compounds used to simulate the sweetness of sugar, and is proclaimed to be 40 times as sweet. It has become a part of my lattes along with the decaf, but it's taking some getting used to. Sadly, it tastes absolutely nothing like Equal, but I'm determined to get myself accustomed to it. It's also on the pricey side, and is only available in health food stores, but I really feel a bit more proactive having taken the honey plunge.

The Big Switch to Water: I've always been a pretty good water-drinker, but I'm also a Pepsi One drinker. It's the only diet soda that actually tastes GOOD to me, and it's become a rare day that I drink anything else when I'm in a soda mood.

I'm also trying to convince myself that water ( definitely without ice) with dinner at restaurants is perfectly okay. I mean, I know it goes well with the food and all, but I've been cuckoo about missing my red wines. I've been growling in remembrance of the that restaurant I went to in few months back on the last Saturday night before I the new year. I ordered pinot noir, but the server brought me pinot grigio. In the spirit of not being a jerky customer, I didn't send it back, but chugged it down like koolaid (which, honestly, all white wines taste like to me.) I grumble now because, if I'd known that night that that was to be my last glass of wine for 9 months, I sure as hell would have sent that tralala back. Being Obese has also really fueled my organic tendencies. I find that it's now a lot easier to punch it up and pay the extra cash for organic meats, which had previously been a hesitation point for me due to the steep cost. On the one hand, I'm dismayed that my own better health wasn't motivation enough to make some of these changes, but then I realize it doesn't matter that I hesitated before. I'm glad I've made the changes now, and though honey may be the weight that pushed these decisions to their full realization, I certainly got the train moving on my own and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

WEEKEND ATTENTION DISORDER ( ON BEING IDLE)

This photo just made my day ( photo: Altamira NYC)

I asked myself regarding my two weekends of pure boredom which I suspected might have some sketchy points. During those two weeks, I was trying so hard to stay connected in the moment, so that as much of the experience as possible would imprint on my mind for recall in the years ahead. My connection to details around me notably decreased, as I focused more and more inwardly, noting less and less of the activity and atmosphere around me.

In my mind I'm working on various postpartum ( I was never pregnant and will never be haha) posts, though none of them have hit the keyboard. My days alone for the past few weekends seem to unwind in light speed, eaten up by every-two-hours bathroom break sessions with my stock of style magazines ( yes I have a dresser full of GQ, Details, Cargo, Esquire, Nylon, Wallpaper, I.D etc), unending lack of activity due to multiple wardrobe changes throughout the day, and a compulsion to have my room as clean as possible at all times. At first, this compulsion was motivated by the constant and sometimes unexpected stream of inactivity in the past two weeks. But, now that I’m back on track, I still feel compelled to spend every moment endlessly tidying. This is not how I want to spend this priceless time alone which expires today.

This gives me a strange pleasure, and makes me feel more responsible somehow. I wake up each Saturday with a long list of cleaning and organizing projects, and develop an unkind headache if I try to ignore the next item on the list. I feel certain this attention to my microcosm is also propelled by the fact that I have been bored an unusually over productive. I have started to become a bit claustrophobic, and I'm pretty sure the constant housecleaning is some reaction to that. The longer I'm pinned in these walls, the more dust and general muck I see, and panic that the existence of such things will get me reported to the yaya patrols.

Schedule for the week of October 20 – 26

· I’ll be covering fashion week thanks to Lester
· My friends funeral on Thursday – I’ll miss you man!
· More new business for the agency
· Bag search – I’m in need of a new tote
· Recycle!
· Visit to Viktors – thank god they’re now in greenbelt 5!

GROWING-UP PREPPY DOWN SOUTH

I was brought up by mom and dad wearing preppy clothes and I always went back to them. Preppy is the easiest way to dress. When in doubt, wear a crisp white or pastel dress shirt, a v-neck sweater and a pair of dark salvage jeans or pull out your favorite pique shirt ( think Lacoste, le Tigre) – it’s foolproof . Mom even dressed me up with classic collezione (That old boutique in Bacobo St. near UN Avenue) and madras shorts to a party when I was 6, topsider look huh? I prefer east coast style, but in Manila weather, you almost want to wear khaki cargo shorts and a t-shirt just because it’s way damn humid.

(Photo credit - www.sheknowsbest.com)

Saturday stress and the 4th

For the past two weeks, I found myself unconsciously narrating to no one, all day long.

I decided to give the walking remedy a try, so I leashed up myself (who technically gained more than 20 lbs) and off the village park in Salcedo, a few minutes from my humble pad. It was a beautiful, cool, perfectly sunny day. I headed back to Plant and window shopped for three hours. I would love to say they were a relaxing three hours, but they were fought with pain the entire way, pain that emanated from my legs with each step I took. I practiced my Bradley breathing techniques: long, slow breaths that filled my entire body, breathing back out into the trees, the woods, the sky and the shops. Deep breaths, the distraction of the sale stickers and keeping me out of line---all these helped to ebb the pain out and away from my body. It was a searing leg pain, felt with each step, almost as though there were some little human head lodged down in there......and then suddenly (insert quirky sensation that leads to a labor epiphany )I spend each day now wondering if this will be the day that forever changes everything. I can't help but take mental notes of all the details so I have them stashed. I'm living in the worst sort of flux I can imagine, I offset the anxiety by meditating on the condition of the day and prayer, the way the world looks, the things I do, the way I feel, logging it all for myself, in what I hope will be a blessing.

BLOATED FRIDAY AND AN INVITATION

( Physically distorted on a sunny Sunday morning and pink shorts)

During a conversation with my youngest sister Anika the other night, that was somehow related to me being obese compared to last year and the year before, though I can't at all remember in what way, I found myself uttering the following phrase: "I know you might think I'm conceiving a puppy in my tummy, but you would be wrong." I snorted at my own hilarious zing, and only moments later realized self-zings aren't nearly funny as zings about your sister or your parents or your friends. Instead, my glee rapidly disintegrated and I found myself staring down, glancing at my tummy from side to side trying to determine whether they really are large enough now to fit a puppy.

I'm thinking - Yup, they would provide a nice, comfy home, with room to spare for an overstuffed couch and a lazy boy with soda handles.

Weight check , pretty alarming – I’ve to take Hydrocs and Zhen de zhou, jog and wall climb. Mom thinks I look like a cabinet – ugh, Ms. Lopez-Vito, you’re a witch! Haha Love you Mom!

( Invite from LJC- Thank you guys!)

On the brighter side, I got an invitation from the LJC group to the grand opening of Abe’s farm in Magalang, Pampanga. Oh wow, it’s just a two hour drive from Manila – great food - thing Morcon and whole day spa treatment, glory be - pamper me! fun!

Weekend advil attack

Let me wrap this weekend up right. I need to get my mind off everything and just have some fun. The past two weeks has been so busy that I hardly have known my own name. Yesterday was a much better day, hopefully today continues to be better. I think I’ll be most thrilled when my sleeping pattern goes back to normal, some sanity for myself wouldn’t hurt either. I’m sticking my head in the sand as to avoid any extra drama in my life. I am an open book, I don't get embarrassed and for sure not shy at all. All this buzz is giving me a headache. I need my bottle of advil back!

( Bored and blogging, a cup of coffee and the view of EDSA from my peep hole)

ON RETAIL AND VINTAGE BIKES

If only mom allowed me to leave for the US for my easter 3 week design and pattern making scholarship at PSD,NY Last year, everything’s sweeter now.

Anywaay – I’m still keeping the FAITH!

( What I'm wearing : Shirt from Hanes, Jacket from E-bay, Jeans from Viktors, lace-ups from Tyler)

I daydream about working as boutique owner at a place like Barcelona or probably Soho. It's the kind of job I think I could be really good at, though I'm sure the pay is crap, but I still daydream, it sure is a goal-attainable dream. (At least, not with my overpriced tiny pad.)

I don’t want to drive a car, I don’t like cars (weird huh) I am contended being a passenger, yeah – just a passenger. I have simple dreams. I just want to own a Bike, a vintage bike. I dream of going to work in shorts, espadrilles and a well tailored dress shirt.

I'm starting to think that sadness is like a bad infection that can take root and turn lots of things to rot around you. It seems to be hanging on some people’s life right now, like a spot on the floor that can't be scrubbed out. I am definitely not the type.

CHASING LIGHT

The optimist says, "We live in the best of all worlds."The pessimist says, "Yeah, I know."When it comes to the Creative Commons and photography, it's no surprise that the reactions to my blog entries on the subject seems to come from extremists one either one side or the other. Their common misunderstanding is that I feel the Creative Commons itself is flawed. True, I've stated that because photography is a common, everyday thing that it is a poor fit for the Creative Commons. But this is the pessimistic viewpoint of a more neutral reality of my message: that it's the byproduct of how itis assigned to photos, and how people generally acquire it in photos that creates most of its problems.

--

some pictures I took last Sunday after service.

I COUNT – 1, 2, 26! My wish list

"You have a dream inside yourself, and it is an impossible dream. That is why the Creator gave it to your crazy ass. If it was easy, He would have given it to someone else."

I’ll be turning 26 in just a couple of days ( August 4). This year I only really had one thing on my birthday wish list, and that’s already arrived, a happy life and an intact family ( Love you mom and dad).

I have a lot to be grateful for this year and a few "impossible" dreams for the year to come. Do Good as, "inspiring people by seeing the efforts of others in hopes that they will be moved to act themselves."

I am incredibly spoiled. However, I have had the occasional “so, what do you want for your birthday?” inquiry. At this point, I’m pretty much set, so kind wishes will do me just fine. But if someone’s determined to spend a little money on me (okay, not terribly likely, but you never know), bags and surprise parties are always appreciated. I’ve got a bunch of each saved in my bluefly, ebay and tralala Wish List, but there are three things that I’d like to call special attention to.

1. A new big tote for work and play ( think Jack Spade)
2. new pair of lace-ups
3. that red sw**r sneakers at dotdotdot ( it’s on sale!)

Other than that…(shrug)…as I said, I’m not too greedy. Well-wishes and kind words will work just fine.

SEEING DOUBLE

Picture above totally reminds me of myself minus the newsboy hat , glasses and my extra baggage around my waist.

1. blue gingham dress shirt
2. blue jeans
3. tan bag
4. tie from Vietnam ( gift from R. Ricafort)
5. multicolored socks

picture taken from Altamiro NYC : http://altamiranyc.blogspot.com

PROJECT: LW

I have been yearning for today for the past many months, and couldn't stop smiling when I woke up this morning. So many of the un-named fears I have had seem to lessen their frightful weight with the simple knowledge that I am gradually feeling it. Of course I'm unendingly hopeful that everything is going to work out the way I want to, but I'm also so comforted by the fact that now, at my 5th day, the odds are finally His favor.

WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS - 2

Well I do, and now it is PINK!

Yesterday, I scared the hell out of my cousins by showing up for lunch in preppy pink country club shorts with my gigantically blistered heel literally oozing out over my white leather lace-ups. I sat down and held my legs out so everyone could see how completely massive my entire legs have become with the crazy water retention I've been experiencing for the past few weeks. I can push around on my calves and feel the puffiness in them, and the big muscle aches strangely, as though I've been burning up hours in some kick-butt aerobics step class. I know, rationally, that my gigantic feet and calves are just swollen, but damn, they look hideous. At least in flip-flops. I'm thinking my friends and cousins might not be able to stand the horror either.
---
Picture taken at a condominium helipad somewhere along Manila Bay, June 6 2008

Blogging merry-go-round ( now I’m dizzy!)

I haven't been doing too much blogging lately. And most of the blogging I have been doing has been less than profound. I guess I'm in this place right now... like, this limbo. My life is good. I am happy – very happy actually. There is SO much going on, all the spinning feels like a familiar merry-go-round. Like the ride is fun, but it's making me just a teeny bit dizzy. (Ok, I'm probably the only person in the world who'd get dizzy on a merry-go-round.)

I am in the space between deciding where my life will lead... in my work, in location, etc. I am not trying to make any major decisions today or even in the near tomorrows, just thinking, praying, seeing where it takes us.

I am standing still while the merry-go-round is turning and I'm very happy standing still in this moment.

WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?

WELL I DO! haha

After seeing things like pseudo zebra print shorts and graphic t-shirts, I'm surprised by barely anything anymore in thrift stores. But today, I spotted something that made me scramble for my camera phone one day. I stop by the mall when I'm feeling tired ("retail therapy," right?), and last Friday after work, I came upon this rack that had shorts calling my name. Epiphany baby! I was at Shang and boom, last 3 pairs of Ralph Lauren pink walking shorts. WHAT? EPIPHANY! Yes, I'm a complete fool for paying this much for a pair of pink shorts and I don't want to dwell on that.

anyway

I should take a walk around my area more often. Yesterday I recovered myself roaming around the heart of Salcedo Village and there my eyes were so pleased to see the people in all their frenzy pace. Everything was so garish, plushy and fancy. Once, I was passing by the entrance of Velasquez Park, a patch of green along Leviste and Tordesillas and I noticed THAT someone outside Coffee Bean and Tea leaf, resembled a known face. I walked back and I attempted to recognize the person with a quick look as discreet as I could. I was right, there she was. My friends yaya was sipping iced blended mocha from CBTL with my friends puppy. What the?

360 degree turn to contentment (Still Pushing)

I never thought I could be so happy with a bunch of incomplete stuff around me. Life is good ...

I can make these confessions of sloth and ineptitude because I feel no shame whatsoever! My previously pristine pad is now what I would describe as 'Almost Tidy' and, for the first time in ages (pun!)

I'm not overly concerned with my extra weight, the size of my thighs or the wrinkles (or are they laugh lines?) around my eyes.

I'm not overly concerned because (drum roll) I've got more important things to worry about! The things that used to seem vitally important to me are just not so important anymore. Maybe, this change in priorities seems like an obvious development to everyone else out there but, well, it's been a real 'Helen-Keller-hand-under-the-water-faucet' kind of awakening for me.

It's been an awesome and ferocious month and I suspect the next few months will be equally as dizzying and as bittersweet

I find myself really missing the South these days - and wishing I had my family around to share all this with.

Filling in empty spaces

I feel oddly today similar to the joy of turning 10 years old. I keenly remember how happy I was to be 10 - to finally be the long-sought DOUBLE DIGITS. I think my joy had something to do with feeling a closer kinship to teenager-hood with its glorious abundance of double digits. I knew that 10 certainly didn't qualify me for membership in The Teenage Club (the coolest club on the planet!), I felt like it at least got me something like prequalifying status. That's how I feel today at 25. It's me---I'm it. Turning 26 in 5 months feels like I'm a solid member of the adult club. I no longer have to answer happy questioners! I'm getting close. I'm definitely in the prequalifying stages, at least. We're a weird bunch that feels a little less afraid, a little braver, a little happier, a little more willing to trust that this might all end up okay. We're not nearly the jittery chickens we were a few weeks ago. And, yeah, if we're badass at one-quarter through, just you wait until we hit the halfway point. We'll be killah!

avoiding That FOUR letter word

I’ve pretty much avoided the SALEs so far. I absolutely hate sale shopping. It’s just too stressful, and I just can’t be bothered to sift through rails and rails of rubbish in the hope of finding one gem, in my size, at a decent price.

Now saying that, I’ve bought a couple of things, a crisp dress shirt from Rustans, a store that is beautifully peaceful even in sale time. I don’t have the energy to get it out and photograph it, which is terrible blogging. It was way out of my price range, but it was just one of those items where you try it on, and there is just no question, you have to have it. I wore it last weekend and managed not to ruin it, and am still absolutely in love with it.

I also bought a pair of black oxford semi slim from (…), remarkable practical for me. I had eyed them up earlier in the season, but wasn’t convinced enough about them. Then when I saw them in the sale I just decided to go for them, and I’m really glad I did. But those are the only things I’ve bought.

Actually that’s not strictly true. They are the only fashion items I’ve bought. No, this weekends sale has been seriously wardrobe update focussed.

Oh well. Sometimes theses things just have to be done.

7 not so useless hours of Manila humidity

repost : Apr 7, '08 6:01 PM

I spent my Saturday morning running errands. By “morning” I mean the time after I dragged my ass out of bed at eight thirty, had pancakes for breakfast, scanned the new Details and GQs inside my den ( bathroom) , poked around on the internet long enough to realize that I did nothing of note this past weekend, made a grocery list and put on weekend clothes ( plaid shorts and preppy pique top) some people also label this time of morning as 1:00 in the afternoon. I’m not one for details.

Everywhere I walked yesterday, I hemorrhaged money. Time to renew my bags! Oh look! I forgot to give mom and dad a call! A book that I tried to read and absolutely couldn’t get into! (“The Secret” is still a secret to me… sorry Philip, I really did try). Birthday celebrate-y gift for my Ex! Grocery store! Pedicure!

I should point out that all of these errands were accomplished within about a three mile area from Rockwell to Salcedo Village. And as the day drug on (a day that I had somehow still deluded myself into thinking was all productive since I was running errands in THE MORNING THAT MOST NORMAL PEOPLE CALL “AFTER LUNCH”) I watched it get later and later and the temperature climbed higher and my weekend clothes were getting so icky from the sweat that resulted from running around in Manila humidity. For some reason it seemed bad form walking around the park with two-thirds of an iced Caramel Macchiato on my shirt. And socks? How did that happen?

I went grocery shopping without passing go although that would have been a pleasant remedy to the aforementioned hemorrhaging money situation. I’ve found that grocery shopping immediately after a 45 minute sweat on the roadl (oh who am I kidding, a 45 minute workout and a 2 hour sweat) makes the items in my cart magically more healthy. I notice a distinct lack of cookies and soda and a drastic increase in fruit. This makes me feel all healthy and superior.
But what I couldn’t figure out as I was walking was how on earth it had become 7:00 in the evening when all I did was spend the morning running errands.